Your heart starts to beat a little faster. You need to give constructive feedback to a colleague. You worry the talk will be awkward or defensive. You fear it might even damage your relationship.
You are not alone. This is one of the most feared talks in the professional world.
Most of us were never taught how to give good feedback. This leads to two common traps. We either avoid the talk (and the problem gets worse), or we handle it poorly (and the relationship gets worse).
This guide will change that. We will give you a simple, proven framework. It includes exact scripts to help you. This will turn feedback from a source of stress into a powerful tool for growth and trust.
The Mindset Shift: Feedback is a Gift, Not a Criticism
Before you learn any technique, you must start with a key mindset shift. The goal of good feedback is not to “point out a flaw.”
The real goal is to invest in someone’s success.
When you see feedback as an act of care, your whole intention changes. You move from a place of judgment to a place of partnership. This shift is the first and most important step. It creates the safety needed for a good conversation.
The SBI Framework: Your Secret Weapon for Clear Feedback
Feedback often fails because it feels like a personal attack. The Situation-Behavior-Impact (SBI) model is a great tool to prevent this. It forces you to remove vague judgments. You will focus only on objective, observable facts.
S is for Situation (Anchor the Feedback in Time and Place)
Never start with a general statement. Anchor your feedback in a specific moment that you both remember.
- Instead of: “You’re always so quiet in meetings.”
- Try: “In the project meeting on Tuesday morning…”
B is for Behavior (Describe the Observable Action)
This is the most important part. Describe the specific action you saw or heard. Do not include your own judgments or guesses. Stick to the facts.
- Instead of: “You seemed checked out.” (This is a guess).
- Try: “I noticed you didn’t speak during the brainstorm.” (This is a fact).
I is for Impact (Explain the Consequences)
Explain the specific effect the behavior had. This is what makes the feedback meaningful. Use “I” statements to show your point of view.
- Instead of: “It was a problem.”
- Try: “The impact on me was that I wasn’t sure if you agreed with the plan. I worried we might have missed your ideas.”
Putting It All Together: From Theory to Scripts
The Full SBI Script Example
Let’s see how it all comes together in a clear script.
(Situation) “In the client presentation yesterday, (Behavior) when you presented the data slides, you spoke very quickly and didn’t pause for questions. (Impact) The impact was that the client seemed confused. I’m worried we didn’t get their full support for our strategy.”
This is clear, specific, and focused on the work, not the person.
The Crucial Next Step: The “Curious Question”
After you deliver the SBI statement, the most powerful thing you can do is pause. Then, instead of offering a solution, ask a curious, open-ended question. This turns a speech into a conversation.
Example Script:“…I’m worried we didn’t get their full support. I’m curious to hear your thoughts on how the presentation went.”
This invites them into a problem-solving talk. It is a core part of active listening skills.
4 Common Traps to Avoid
- Trap 1: The “Feedback Sandwich” (Praise-Critique-Praise)
- Why it fails: This common trick often feels fake. People learn to expect criticism every time they hear a compliment from you. This makes your praise feel less sincere.
- Trap 2: Making It Personal
- Why it fails: Focusing on personality (“You’re disorganized”) instead of behavior (“Your report was submitted after the deadline”) makes people defensive. It shuts down their ability to learn.
- Trap 3: The “Public Ambush”
- Why it fails: Constructive feedback should almost always be given in private. Giving it in public is embarrassing and destroys trust. Praise in public; coach in private.
- Trap 4: No Follow-Up
- Why it fails: The talk is just the beginning. The real growth happens after. If you don’t check in on their progress, it signals that the issue wasn’t actually that important.
Conclusion: A Skill for a Stronger Team
Giving good feedback is one of the most valuable skills you can learn. It is a direct investment in the growth of your colleagues and the health of your team.
By shifting your mindset from criticism to coaching, you can turn these feared talks into your best tool for building a culture of trust and improvement.
Giving good feedback is a key part of career talks. Learn how to structure these talks in our guide on how to use a PDP in a performance review.
And for a deep dive into all our communication tactics, explore our ultimate guide to Effective Communication & Healthy Relationships.
